True Love — and the Myth of “Happily Ever After” | Francesca Hogi | TED
In the TED talk “True Love — and the Myth of ‘Happily Ever After’,” relationship expert Francesca Hogi challenges the fairytale industrial complex that has been feeding us the myth of “happily ever after.” Through a pervasive web of marketing, advertising, music, movies, and more, we have been led to believe that love is something external and scarce, something that can only be achieved through luck, worthiness, and the approval of a high-status partner.
Hogi argues that instead of treating love as a storybook fantasy, we need to center self-love and self-worth and prioritize making romantic choices that align with our authentic values. We need to understand that love is an abundant, infinitely renewable resource inside of us and that each of us holds the keys to true love.
According to Hogi, true love is based on foundational values such as love, respect, intimacy, safety, commitment, adoration, and joy. When we approach romantic love from this foundation and cultivate our love skills, true love can be a reality for all.
By embracing a brighter, more intentional, and more inclusive romantic future, we can transcend the manipulations of the fairytale industrial complex and see ourselves as worthy without exception. As Hogi states, “You are a born love genius. You were born knowing how to love.” It’s time to reclaim our understanding of love and create a more genuine and fulfilling experience for ourselves and for everyone.
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The fairytale industrial complex has been lying to you. Through a pervasive web of marketing, advertising, music, movies and more, it’s said that while you can’t buy love, you can buy your worthiness of being loved. Its comodofication of romantic love as a storybook fantasy can be summed up in three simple words:
“Happily ever after.” Happiness, forever. If only you’re lucky enough and good enough and good-looking enough to be chosen by a high-status partner, ideally in a romantic comedy-worthy moment. Over the last 10 years, I have spoken to thousands of people about their romantic hopes and dreams, and I can report that for many,
Their vision of an ideal relationship is straight out of the fairytale fantasy playbook. Which is no wonder, given that “happily ever after” is used to sell us everything, from makeup to cars to chewing gum. We’ve incorporated this propaganda into our real-life approach to relationships, which disconnects us from love,
Which disconnects us from self-worth and causes genuine confusion about compatibility. Instead of making us feel that love is an abundant, infinitely renewable resource inside of us, which it is, it tries to convince us that love is external and scarce. It’s time to consider a new possibility for our collective romantic future.
One that centers self-love, self-worth and prioritizes making romantic choices in alignment with our authentic values. No purchase required. Despite what you’ve been told, each of us holds the keys to true love. A true-love relationship, as I define it, has the foundational values of love, respect, intimacy, safety, commitment, adoration and joy.
When you approach romantic love from this foundation, you empower yourself to transcend the shallow fantasy of love you’ve been sold for so long. With sincere intention, the courage to open your heart to be vulnerable and the cultivation of dating and love skills, true love can be a reality for all.
How could it be any other way? You are a born love genius. You were born knowing how to love. All of the love that you’ve ever experienced and ever will experience is inside of you right now. The more that we cultivate the love within, the better it is for everyone.
That’s because how we each individually approach love contributes to how we all collectively experience it. We have the opportunity to transcend the manipulations of the fairytale industrial complex and embrace a brighter, more intentional, more inclusive romantic future for all. One that sees us all as worthy without exception. Thank you.
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Video “True Love — and the Myth of “Happily Ever After” | Francesca Hogi | TED” was uploaded on 02/14/2024 to Youtube Channel TED