Three ways your mental and physical health will benefit from being kinder to yourself

“Be kind to yourself” is a piece of advice that’s often given to people during difficult times or moments of stress. But for someone who is driven, a perfectionist or facing pressure, the idea of self-compassion can feel uncomfortable. To them, kindness might feel like letting themselves off the hook.

But research actually shows that consistently feeling shame and self-judgment can activate the body’s stress response just as strongly as physical danger. This increases cortisol and inflammation, both of which are linked to long-term health problems.

On the contrary, research suggests that being kind to yourself – known in psychology as “self-compassion” – can actually support motivation, accountability and resilience without the cost of burnout.

Self-compassion can be defined as the ability to view yourself with kindness and a mindful or balanced perspective on what’s happening to you – as opposed to viewing yourself with judgment, focusing on your mistakes or feeling like you’re alone in your experience.

The key components of self-compassion include mindful awareness (noticing your pain or struggle without denial or exaggeration), self-kindness (offering support rather than criticism) and shared humanity (remembering that everyone struggles sometimes and that imperfection is part of being human).

Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means staying connected to yourself in a way that supports real, healthy change.

But practising self-compassion is often easier said than done. If you’re someone who finds it difficult to be kind to yourself, here are three ways having more self-compassion can be beneficial for you – and how to increase self-compassion in your everyday life.

1. Reduces your body’s stress response

Stress is a natural part of life that our bodies are well-adapted to cope with. It allows us to perform daily tasks and be more engaged. However, consistent exposure to stress without relief may result in chronic stress. This can lead to both mental and physical health problems including cardiovascular disorders, decreased immunity and mental health challenges such as depression.

To reduce exposure to chronic stress, we need to be able to engage our brain’s parasympathetic system – the part of the nervous system that helps the body relax and also controls functions such as digestion and breathing. The parasympathetic system is often stimulated by relaxation and feelings of safety, security and comfort.

Self-compassion may be a powerful tool in helping create the feeling of security and comfort within ourselves that’s needed to stimulate this internal system. Research suggests self-compassionate thoughts can result in physiological changes such as improved heart rate variability – a marker of emotional regulation and resilience.

2. Helps you respond and adapt to feedback

Many people fear that too much self-compassion could mean they become self-centred or avoid responsibility. But when we practise self-compassion, we often become more available to others.

We model healthier coping strategies, respond better to feedback and recover faster from setbacks.

The reason this happens is because self-compassion teaches us to respond to ourselves with the same care we would offer others. Instead of saying: “I’m not good enough,” a self-compassionate person might say: “This was hard, what can I learn for next time?”

Better yet, as we begin to show empathy towards our own imperfections and mistakes, we are better able to extend that empathy towards others.

3. Makes you more likely to succeed

Another common fear is that self-compassion will make us lazy or unambitious. But studies show the opposite to be true.

People who practise self-compassion are more likely to take responsibility for their actions, try again after failure and stay engaged with long-term goals. They procrastinate less and take more conscientious, less impulsive decisions.

By contrast, shame and negative self-esteem may drive short-term performance, but we’re less likely to maintain this motivation over time.

How to practise self-compassion

If you’d like to give self-compassion a go, the next time you catch yourself in a loop of harsh self-talk, pause and ask: if someone I loved were in this situation, what would I say to them? Then try offering yourself the same words.

And use neutral, non-judgmental language. Instead of “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’ve failed again,” try to make your thinking less personal. You could tell yourself instead: “This is hard” or “I’m not the only one who feels this way.” You could even try to be more forward thinking, asking yourself: “This is my situation right now, what can I do next?” These small shifts reduce emotional reactivity and help support clearer thinking under pressure.

Finally, look at the bigger picture. It’s easy to feel alone in our struggles. But everyone, regardless of culture, background or personality, experiences doubt, regret or imperfection. Remind yourself that no one is perfect and everyone has hard days. You’re not alone.

Practices such as loving-kindness meditation can also help with developing self-compassion. During this form of meditation, the focus is on sending good wishes or kind thoughts to yourself and others.

Whether you’re navigating illness, chronic stress or the pressures of daily life, being kind to yourself isn’t indulgence – it’s a skill that protects your health, your mind and your future self.