Relationship Advice from 50+ Years of Marriage (w/ The Gottmans) | How to Be a Better Human | TED
In the thought-provoking TED talk, “Relationship Advice from 50+ Years of Marriage with The Gottmans,” Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, renowned relationship researchers, share invaluable insights from their decades-long study of marital dynamics. Addressing the frequent conflicts couples face—such as the perennial issue of how to load the dishwasher—the Gottmans emphasize the importance of how couples argue rather than what they argue about.
A striking finding reveals that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual, highlighting that many disagreements are unlikely to be fully resolved. Instead, the couple recommends strategies like fostering deeper understanding and compassion through meaningful questions that uncover personal values and emotions tied to recurring conflicts.
The Gottmans discuss the concept of “fighting to understand” rather than “fighting to win,” which involves moving away from destructive behaviors like criticism and stonewalling. With practical tips and relatable anecdotes, they guide couples toward developing temporary compromises, ensuring that conflicts become opportunities for growth rather than sources of division.
Through this enlightening talk, viewers gain essential tools to strengthen their relationships, making them healthier, more loving, and ultimately more resilient.
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Video “Relationship Advice from 50+ Years of Marriage (w/ The Gottmans) | How to Be a Better Human | TED” was uploaded on 11/10/2025 to Youtube Channel TED