Even Healthy Couples Fight — the Difference Is How | Julie and John Gottman | TED
In the TED Talk titled “Even Healthy Couples Fight — the Difference Is How,” relationship experts Julie and John Gottman share insights from their 52 years of research on romantic relationships. Contrary to popular belief, they assert that fighting is not necessarily bad for relationships. In fact, how couples fight can predict the success or failure of a relationship six years down the road.
The Gottmans found that there are three major styles of fighting: conflict avoiders, conflict validators, and conflict volatiles. They also identified the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, as predictors of relationship demise. However, they also discovered that fighting can actually increase connection and improve the sex life of couples, as long as the ratio of positive to negative responses during conflicts is at least five to one.
The key to fighting right lies in fighting to understand rather than fighting to win. By engaging in what they call the “dreams within conflict” conversation, couples can delve deeper into each other’s thoughts, feelings, and values, leading to a more profound understanding and connection. By learning how to fight right, couples can build a more loving and peaceful world, one couple at a time.
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Video “Even Healthy Couples Fight — the Difference Is How | Julie and John Gottman | TED” was uploaded on 06/12/2024 to Youtube Channel TED