Life in 9:16 – Between modeling and war | DW Documentary

Life in 9:16 – Between modeling and war | DW Documentary

This coming-of-age documentary tells the story of three young models from Russia and Ukraine who want to make it big in Berlin. As they embark on their journey carrying little but their dreams, their aspirations suddenly collide with the shock of war. Director and photographer Mehran Djojan accompanies Tanya Chudnovskaia, Valeriia Karaman and Daniel Nikiforow with his camera, capturing daily life and its challenges.

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Foreign I grew up in a small town in Brandenburg my parents came to Germany from Afghanistan a few years ago I started sharing my photographic work on Instagram it kind of changed my life through Instagram I met these three people Tanya Valeria and Tanya models from Russia and Ukraine

We quickly became close friends we profited from each other I was able to shoot with interesting models they got new photos for their portfolio they were in their early 20s all three just left their families and homes behind for a better life for themselves and their parents while they didn’t have many belongings

They had an abundance of dreams and social media followers then came the war and my friends lives became even more absurd than they already were the dreams collide with a global crisis what does that do to people I woke up from a phone call with my father he

Called me around five or six in the morning and he’s like if I can wake up the world just started Is George this is me sleeping on the one two three blankets because we’re broke I didn’t choose from the beginning it was more like Destiny in life just gave me some opportunities and I um came here and then I just got my friends and I got some I don’t know and then I start

Feeling actually feel nice to live here like it’s comfortable for me because there’s nothing to do there in my city my name is Tanya I’m from the middle part of Russia from the city called chidebinsk and I’m model um who lives in Berlin my family tell me

All the time do everything you can to stay in Europe like do all the documents hire a guy who will take care of your taxes I got at the point where they need my help also like sometimes I do shitty jobs because I know that I need to support my parents

I look like a beautiful baby angel everyone should love themselves that’s also a secret I have a good selfish Now this is not enough this is the not the right way this [ __ ] supposed to be all around wait no I need to to see again how it’s supposed to be okay everyone can you switch off for a sec let’s try to make them on the balcony

And then if you have some um my name is Valeria caraman I’m from Kiev ous when I was um 14 I signed a contract with agency in New York next models the next Model Management and I went to New York and since then I’ve been traveling all the time Non-Stop

Changing my uh homes every couple of years and now I’m in Berlin originally I’m from moldave from transnister it’s a small country in the middle of in the middle of between Romania and Moldova somewhere there in Ukraine and my family moved to Ukraine to the south of Ukraine when I was

Four years old something like this uh because there was a war in Bandera in my hometown so we moved to Ukraine foreign Things that we are originally have makeup artists no we are our own makeup artists that’s how we get each place isn’t it funny that I found you on Instagram yeah I know it’s funny and at some point sometimes I’m thinking like ah Instagram is [ __ ] it’s just for some hype that

Doesn’t bring you that much because I have other stuff to do I have like my closing brand I have my punk band in Kiev we are breaking the stereotypes about East European women because we are actually um we’re actually cool and we are more strong than our men in east Europe

And also I’m into movies what was your favorite movie you played in ah the biggest movie that they played in was the Lighthouse by Robert Eggers played by William Defoe and Robert Pattinson and I was playing the mermaid the evil mermaid foreign [Applause] I think Instagram is my main source right now because there’s no limits for me in Instagram now for me it’s also the way your clients get jobs get money how many messages do you get per day so all of this is from today only and I didn’t talk I was all day busy

Miracle unreal too beautiful wow you’re so beautiful are you in Milan I would like to shoot you come storm happy to work with you give me this hair oh my God [ __ ] wow wow I need an assistant for my Instagram and then when you’re posting picture and

Then you don’t get that much likes and then you’re like did I do something wrong am I not that funny anymore am I not that cute anymore am I not that interesting anymore and you’re like also starting I had a Berlin agency and they actually found me in social

Media and invited me to come to Germany and first I was super suspicious because like maybe he will sell me on organs or something that’s what all the Russian adults were telling me and a few months later I came to Berlin my first time the first week I got here

They said okay now we need to clean your Instagram they were telling me that I look ugly here or ugly that why you posted this you look like a crack [ __ ] you have to be skinny you have to be beautiful you have to be this you have

To be that they have to like you I don’t want to live in fear because of being a model so I quit the agency and now I’m thinking to try to be legend for myself Foreign I really like Peter’s style and I’m always happy to shoot with him and it’s always fun you know we’re just chilling and making great pictures but there is no pressure on the shooting like okay do this it’s like okay cool let’s do this let’s try this and if it’s not gonna work out

Everyone is just having fun and then you get like great results because you were into the shooting Hello hi is it what magazine my name is Daniel nikifero I’m from cave Ukraine I’m doing modeling for now I came here for a week before we landed to visit the person I liked and met once in Kiev I fell in love and I moved here and I lived here and give

Here and there and then we got married and yeah and now we’re not married anymore I mean we still are but we are getting divorced I throw it in the river I really did drama keeping up with Daniel Nikki photo I mean it’s a huge difference because I

Live in Kiev it’s a capital city of Ukraine and it’s really nice I’m from there I’m really happy but still because it’s supposed Soviet Union country and I mean of course is getting better every year but still it’s behind Berlin especially because Berlin is extremely open-minded I would say

And if here feels so free and like I feel safe when I’m walking on the streets but there people take it as a serious change in I’m a woman for them and it’s not normal I’m supposed to to follow some stereotypes about how people should look how people should live their

Life and stuff here you have choice hello uh yeah I just wanted to ask actually about the money for the music video you told me that I’m getting it today there was the deal no like that I do the job and I get the money directly

That’s why I did this job I don’t understand Once again Recording I noticed that so now the party’s coming so I’m not modeling anymore but I don’t know I actually started making music this is the first song I do completely by myself foreign Actually like super afraid I don’t know I never felt it was modeling actually I mean I’m still I like to take part in shootings I like beautiful pictures I like it’s really also a small role and it’s it’s really amazing too I love it but

It’s not that I would do it like I don’t know next level in a way I think so you showed it to me thank you I’m really it’s like it’s so I don’t know you know first I was imagining like big stages and like even just my friends

Gonna listen to it while driving in the car it’s also means so much it’s like so crazy if someone listens to you Oh I am afraid My life is Foreign On Thursday I went to immigration office again at 5am just to make sure I’m gonna be the first one in the queue I spend there like the whole day and I went there it was like five minutes interview she looked at all my documents and she was like you don’t have Visa

I was like yeah I know I came here as a tourist with my biomedical passport but I wouldn’t apply from here without leaving because my family lives here my husband lives here so I don’t want to leave especially during the situation in the world and you never know what’s going to happen next

And she looked at me and she was like sorry I can’t do anything and I mean at that point I didn’t expect much to be honest I’m not sure like when I’m gonna be able to come back I feel like a ghost you know like I’m still here I’m present but everything is

Fading kind of foreign before I had key from any kind of doors and I could easily open all those doors and now I feel like I lost that key feels like I’ve lost my like a charm that kind of feeling and I’m saying that I don’t want to just

I don’t want just to be a pretty girl I want to be worthy and I want to bring something great and useful to this world I want to be useful So we are here thank you Very stress hold on hello and everything what we are feeding on like what we are here for the feeling now it’s like sustainable design or something which is a good thing sometimes if you are not like Bella Hadid or something you cannot choose which designer we want to work with and

Sometimes you’re like okay I don’t really like their politics and they’re like actually douchebags but what can I do I need some money I need to send some money to my mom you know that kind of vibes yeah so you don’t have so much choice and I like so

Much recently she had some post where she was saying something like you should uh you should stay up for yourself and say what you really think don’t be afraid to be canceled by some of the designers if they want you they’ll take you and I’m like yeah sure

Of course makes sense no it’s not interested sometimes you have no choice of your model you cannot say like oh I don’t like that they’re making a super plastic clothes and they’re using some Chinese kits to Sue and make all these clothes I don’t want to work with them

You’re like okay I also need to eat something pay for my rent pay for my tickets accommodations uh help my family I mean especially if you’re from east Europe you always have this like things about your family because you’re like okay my parents they’re my kids

And if you still have uh grandparents do you also have a grandchildren sometimes make you feel like that yeah of course a lot that was always the biggest problem of my depressions actually because I was like I couldn’t see the sense of what I’m doing Foreign Thank you Hello okay nice colors they have nice mirrors here I don’t feel fat when everybody do you feel fat yeah most of the time actually I think it’s some of my um trauma from working in fashion for too long you know did you feel sad sometimes yeah I mean like you don’t compare yourself

To like to just like a normal person you compare yourself to a hanger for clothes here for the mannequin you compare yourself to mannequin let me check [ __ ] please yeah and it was a really hard day I just came back from the embassy because I needed to do a new Visa

Because mine was over and usually the the first time they gave it to me for two years then they gave it to me for one year and I was pretty sure because I got my tax number and I was [ __ ] with this tax number for one year I was sure they’re gonna

Give it to me and now I didn’t new insurance but it’s Russian and it’s wrong I don’t make enough money to stay here which is complete [ __ ] because I make enough money for Living but not enough for the government apparently I start making music and then and modeling and like it’s all gonna

Stop in Russia I’m just gonna destroy myself there because there’s no progress in here everything is so fast and I’m so happy I’m scared because my life is here and I don’t want to go bad because of some stupid things I can afford life here Oh [Laughter] I look depressed why do you think so I don’t know I mean I feel maybe a bit sad but I’m not depressed though I feel like other people expect me to be really sad because I’m leaving like on Monday but I’m not I mean I’m not upset

Cave is nice because I have I have like a completely like Freedom there I can do whatever I can see my family and it’s always fun and Savannah’s key is really beautiful like for me Berlin is like amazing place but like picture wise cube is super pretty and I love his love vibe

It’s nice and the food I’m gonna eat so much my mom’s gonna make dumplings on Monday I can’t wait right honey bye my beautiful algae okay go Escape In the school Last time when I came here they didn’t let me in and they I got deported like I’m some Russian spy or something most of my friends actually ukrainians more than the Russians and I don’t know it’s just so crazy because I think the Ukrainian people like normal people don’t hate Russians and Russians

Don’t hate ukrainians but the I don’t know when it comes to this government stuff it’s so crazy to understand Here on the coast living our best life Everywhere there are kind of stars here but designers and retrospect everyday life in Ukraine will seem crazy and for my three friends it will probably never be the same again final light-hearted moment Tanya and I visit Daniel and Valerian Kiev it’s late summer 2021. They made the movie about how this uh was made so cool I mean like she’s so huge and chance to like I don’t know I think she’s more great than Statue of Liberty Of Liberty she’s like no I’m a barrier that’s how Ukrainian women are protect and fight Thank you It’s really nice so I posted this video where I’m sucking my feet on the story but it was a screenshot from the video and the guy texted me I want to see the full video how much and I was like 100 feet here he said okay PayPal and I said okay yeah I

Sent him my PayPal and he said Actually I don’t even need such like a creative video I just want you to do like this with your feet like this wait censorship censorship it’s too expensive too expensive yeah she like and then he said is it a one-time deal and I said I mean

We can do long-term business relationships and he said wow I didn’t know that you’re like selling hit videos my mother I was like you saw the video I post I was like the guy bought it for 150 then she was like Wow ask him if he wants my

Feed and I was like Mom I can tell him I have a really hot mom I like and she was like no no Daniel I’m not gonna do this but she was like you go girl but it’s also like I I was wearing full clothes you know he just cared about the

Feet but I don’t care this person like it was my first job and it was my first income in three months so I’m like bruh times In Kiev I meet Daniel’s boyfriend and parents for the first time he hasn’t come out to them yet we stayed for the tradition how are you I’m also [ __ ] exhausted Israel one day I go with 10 and it’s close to the oh hello how are you I’m

Very super tired how are you I’m also super tired procedures it went well actually his face is like better than mine mine was like [ __ ] up yeah great thank you so much what was it what did you do today it was like your utilization kind of vibe like everything

Is so cheap and I’m like but I think it’s a different currency yeah I mean it’s also animals that I’m trying to count and then I’m like it’s so cheap and so cheap but I spent so much like okay yeah yeah you should just go wild

Honestly you need to go to the bathroom okay good luck peeing I haven’t worked in a while honestly because I was just like I missed fashion because I didn’t have my passport um because I sent it to the Embassy and like they didn’t give it to me for like

Eight months which is like really bad I’m just gonna go to Fashion Week to Milan in September for a month because I was really sad because I was waiting for that like for like a really long time and at some point they were just like postponing postpone and I was like no

Like you give me the password right now I’m gonna see you and they send me the passport like in two days Thank you yeah we’re boyfriends now my boyfriend’s name it’s official we’re dating what’s the difference okay congratulations okay this is the response we’re gonna get from everybody right there it’s easier [ __ ] yeah I mean she’s saying it’s ready okay It’s his birthday like tonight it’s very nice super sweet I feel like home actually and they’re like me and Daniel also have really similar background I would say like our families are super simple super loving and super open-minded I would say actually and I really feel like home and

I haven’t seen my family for like two years so I really feel like home there [Applause] [Applause] All right See you emphysema I’m from Ural and you guys from Turkey but we are living here nice yes are you living better there are many Islamic people already living in public just super International City I would say but yeah and I think it’s also like a lot about

Artists you know it’s kind of like hard for us to make uh you know like to make Visa even and go there it depends on your passport that’s me is it late it was a lake in Switzerland Switzerland yeah yeah you have a nice ass thank you I’m working for it

What are you doing for this s oh so interesting oh what do you do are you a model nice ass she has a nice ass and I was really trying to um like go away from this image that I’m a model even though I still make money like that

Um that I don’t know and now people actually see me as a musician a bit harder to get jobs but I take risks I’m just I think trying not to expect anything in my life just do what they really want to do and what inspires me and what I have passion

For and I think I really like I don’t know I was scared and I really made this decision that I want people like to change my Instagram and image but I’m sure it’s all gonna turn on crank and believe in it Foreign There is a parade now in Kiev in Ukraine in general there is an independency day of Ukraine 30 years of independency and still nothing is fixed economically wise our country is like going solo it’s gonna be so bad soon it’s already really bad uh the currency

Is really low not so bad as in Russia but still you know not not the pleasant fee also the prices are getting higher and higher like every few months the salaries of people are actually getting lower so I don’t know how they’re surviving I’m working in Europe and I’m

Kind of safe but in general I think that this parade is uh is a little bit of a [ __ ] it’s just like a few countries left in the whole world who are making this like parades uh showing all the weapons they have this tanks helicopters and blah blah blah what forests like

Such a huge waste of money and I think it’s because of this economical situation people are so mad here Foreign foreign politics but it feels like everything is getting worse yeah and my parents everything what they think about the situation they’re just so scared that they’re gonna be stuck in Ukraine at some point they didn’t move out when it was time when they were still young and you know when all the

Opportunities were in front of them so now they really don’t want me to do the same to have the same uh life as they have it’s like struggling struggling struggling counting money all the time you’re watching news waiting for some news that there is another war or

Something my father he’s uh because he’s a sailor he’s all the time abroad and my mom she sees him just like a couple of months per half of here it’s maximum and she’s lonely all the time and she lives in the south of Ukraine and super small

Town where there is nothing to do and I’m not around since I was 14 because like when I had this possibility to move away from Ukraine and work my parents they were like uh you’re still a baby but yeah well well maybe it’s the only chance you can use in this life maybe

It’s the only chance for you to be happy maybe it’s the only chance for you to have an opportunity in this life to be something something bigger than just the little little scent piece in this whole world that lives for nothing and dies for nothing Can we pay by Parks oh yes listen let’s go let’s go come on guys let’s go I mean Christmas Songs Thank you foreign Let’s go Hey Tanya people keep asking me if you chats if you’re alive if you had an overdose maybe post something my phone got stolen I had a crazy panic attack I was like this on the stage and I was crying when I realized that the stolen to everything seemed like impossible and

Like I really felt like all my life is in the phone and then I thought okay when I’m coming back to Berlin I’m getting the phone the first thing but actually I feel [ __ ] amazing it never I don’t know it’s like I haven’t I haven’t felt so good in really really long time

I don’t have anxiety anymore I don’t have panic attacks I don’t have overthinking I’m just by myself and I really feel like I live my life for myself not for anyone not for anyone to see not for anyone to appreciate not for anyone to say oh that’s cool or that’s

Bad or that’s this I just feel calm and confident actually and I live my life for myself okay we have to use that yeah okay yeah Hello hello it’s like a stressful atmosphere you know I mean honestly it was like stressful last months especially one of my music’s expert and I had to be here for two months without Visa but I got it Previous ly yeah lunches the mirror [Laughter] is foreign I woke up from a phone call of my father he called me around five or six in the morning and he’s like if I can wake up the work just started and this voice of My Father by Nana chalice is going to be in my head forever I think

Uh so he was like pack yourself and go to hear Zone it’s where my family lives it’s south of Ukraine on the border with Crimea but after 30 minutes after my father called me my mom she called me and told me no don’t go to her son because the airport just been bumped

So that was the moment when it started to shake and I was like okay the report where my parents are staying my mom my father two dogs my grandparents my uncle all of them they’re there uh my boyfriend who was in Berlin coordinated me what to take and what to

Leave and we run to the railway station didn’t know what to do we occasionally found a train to Warsaw with only one stop at Warsaw so coming to every stewardess and asking them please please can we go inside any money please please can we go inside please please and they were like

Who’s your friend anyways with my friend huge passport he has and I was like he’s German they’re like yeah first people that we need to evacuate are foreigners come inside The train stopped there was an explosion in front of our train that destroyed the connections and it always okay switch off your phones switch off all the signals uh be quiet and they switch and they switched off all the lights in the train and I was just sitting like this on the

Floor waiting for I don’t know what so we had to go back and when we started to move back I was like [ __ ] are we going back to keep [ __ ] I can’t believe we’re going back to cube but uh the guy who was uh the main guy at the train I don’t

Remember how it’s called in English he said like no no we’re going to Europe but other way around like we’re gonna have a long trip my parents stuck in in Hillsong I don’t know how she’s handling all this but it’s not the first word for my mom

We used to live in Moldova which then became transnistria so she already went through one word foreign Foreign [Applause] Uh so I did this post uh like it’s a raffle for Ukraine the nation so you can like use an 1810 Euro you can donate more of course and then I choose a winner and the winner gets the dress and the bag and all the donations are going to different organizations which are

Helping Ukraine so my post raffle for Ukraine donate dressed by Olivia backed by Charlie Couture then the person is texting me in my DMs Hey where’s the stunning dress from because actually I was just like crying last five days and then I felt like I wanna open my soul and myself with the

Performance so I was like I’m gonna be naked and cover with hearts [Applause] How much We always My voice I know it was it was a bit rough no it was it was exactly what we needed like I didn’t know it just like didn’t prepare at all because of the whole situation but [ __ ] it I just wanted to like have fun you know what I mean thank you so much

I’ll see you later um those are blue all right have a nice day I was not sure if I should do it because everyone is just so sad and I also felt sad and I didn’t know how to like be out there but since yesterday I just feel that’s my mission

To give love not to be because there are a lot of sadness in this world a lot of hate in this world a lot of hear it I don’t know aggression and I think if I have power not to be a part of aggression but like to find

This piece and to spread love I should do this and people said that they felt it and it makes me happy even if it was five people out of hungry no um yeah I’m open I am open my soul and myself I open my weaknesses I open my

Yeah just weak vulnerable size of me and I opened my heart and my soul so and I feel good about it I was in profession week three months in Paris and then I started seeing the news that the war might start on the 16th I was supposed to go back to Kiev on the 18th and then I just like I was like Mom let’s just like make a plan for you and

That like just you know where you would want to leave like let’s prepare documents you can leave and they were like no Danielle like that’s not gonna happen then I was like Mom it’s time to come just like for a few days if there is no war like we can just enjoy Paris

I’m gonna show you Mona Lisa and then like she she was there she right for the first two days it was really cute I was showing her Parish she loved it she was just like eating snails and like throwing them around it was like we had so many great memories

The day when the war started like it was probably like five six a.m and I just woke up because like my mom was just like screaming like literally screaming like the war has started and then just like I started calling like Nadia and [ __ ] like please just get your stuff

I’m sending you money just come here to me Even though like I really tried hard to get my dad out of country and like just help my grandma and like everyone like I could not just get them out of the country on time and that really sucks because like even for my mom being here the first day she’s like spanned in

Shock she was just staring at the wall and just like not talking much and then when she would start talking she was just like just be like I want to go home Oh Thank you so I’m finally United with my mother she came to operation from where she took a car with all her like just with this little one and now we are on the train to a Berlin from Warsaw thank you I’ve been crying a little bit before so she’s finally kind of okay

She’s super tired after three days of after three days of the trip are they evil is I’ve managed to convince my mother to come to Germany as well because my hometown been under Russian occupation from the first day of the war it was pretty hard it took me probably

Uh two months to convince her and basically I was terrorizing her on the phone I was like crying screaming then telling her that she’s uh uh egocentric and uh stuff like this um and if she wants to ruin my life with just like dine under the rockets

And stuff she can do this and that was the thing which really convinced her to come to convince my father was harder he also didn’t want to go because my grandparents they refused to go anywhere and they decided that they’re gonna stay there and if it meant to be for them you know

If it meant for them to die in the occupation they want to die at their home in on their land and they don’t want to go anywhere they’re like told to start their life from the scratch now we are trying to find them apartments right now they are staying

With friends of ours before I was writing them another apartment and sometimes they’re also staying at our sofa which is like not convincing for two 50 years old people at all and uh yeah but things are moving things are happening so super promoted Solutions With us Foreign Secretary no no no no the list is probably foreign Thank you my mother’s living because she tried like to create life here but she’s not really happy because my dad is in Kiev and my grandma is actually her whole life isn’t even like I’m also not here all the time she’s quiet alone and she doesn’t speak any like any European

Language it’s like Russian Ukrainian so it’s hard to make friends and everything she knows being cute so she just wants to go back I mean she got residency like yesterday so if she will need to come back here she will but definitely she’s not gonna come back because I was dead

And my character didn’t come my dad wasn’t happy at all without her she was the one of the main bosses of our family so she needs to be there like to make sure everyone is stable and you know doing something not just like being depressed the whole time

You could try to convince him to stay here yeah I did I did try to convince her for like two months I was just like let’s I found a flat I found it like we always had food we always had something to do we’re always like I was

Like let’s do this let’s do that let’s go there let’s like make the best out of it but she just needs family I guess it didn’t really work at some points for like a few days she was like yeah I’m gonna stay here and then like a few days after

She would be like I don’t want to be here it’s not my place I don’t like being here like I never wanted to be here in the first place I want to be home Um no Foreign Messages me that he wants to move to London Tanya tells me that she’s been evicted from her apartment and Valeria is trying to find a way to manage her anger and it’s fine and this undo okay it’s just like you know it’s just Stripes Lotus I like

And I want to have it but I don’t wear it and I don’t need it everything I wear and like all the stuff I like is here I need like luggage from downstairs okay let’s do it okay I love the Chinese who impact anything yes oh hey what’s up I have one for you so what are we doing with your bed have you sold it no who does it so where are you going at like we’re moving you out to where my plan is to

Take all my stuff out and then do we have to clean the flat as well go with the flow Okay party I’m excited to perform there and then I’m going to Paris because my friend is having a birthday she’s like turning 30 and then I go from here to Mykonos yeah yeah so Mykonos will be will be nice and yeah definitely come for like a week and we’ll just literally just be

Chilling by the pool and like not doing a lot amazing no I’m excited bye love you now who was this uh it’s like a friend uh he’s Joseph actually introduced us we met in the after the boat thank you yeah and his friend bought a house like a villain in

Mykonos and he’s like I love and give you I mean it’s just like know for sure you’re going there just to have fun without any like expectations again did you have a lot of situations where people had expectations on you I think everyone always have some expectations but that’s not my fault

It’s their problem S together Massage again foreign political monologue which was in Paris I think 4th of March or something so it was basically like one or two weeks after the war started no it was one week after the war started and now we are doing the second part of this performance which is called tired

Because we’re so tired and yeah and you’ll see everything Because it’s my birthday from from here no I think from here and when did they arrive they arrived quite long time ago in the beginning of Summer and on Monday they finally moved to their Apartments because all this time they were still with one friend another friend another friend

They refused a few times to change the registration in the smaller City I don’t know it was such a Hustle but that’s supportive cheers good luck on your performance Now I’m trying to appreciate everything and just like be happy which is super hard because my mood is like a roller coaster I remember when the war started and when I was going from Ukraine to Berlin in the train and everything around was exploded and there were some Shooters

And stuff and so on uh I was going on the train and thinking wow will I ever be how I was before will everything will be how it was before like at least something I feel so terrified life and my perception has changed so much and everything was so

Important for me has no sense anymore and I was thinking like is it gonna ever change I’m tired just to erase all this month in the beginning I was doing a lot of stuff I was helping a lot of people really we were collecting everything starts from toothbrushes and diapers for babies like everything and then at some point after two three months I got super

Ill I had fever for one month I started to go nuts like I was like really felt that I’m mentally a like disabled that like I gonna die soon and I had this paranoid that I’m dying always look I’m dying I’m dying and literally I think if I would

Keep this Tempo I would have no more energy to survive myself so I took a break and it was actually perfect for me because I realized that okay you did everything you can but you can’t give your all power and this get your whole life to help everyone around because soon

You don’t you’re not gonna have yourself It makes me wants to fist I’m tired she’s tired she’s tired we are so tired I’m so [ __ ] up Of course I don’t feel like perfect right now and stuff but I feel much better than it was before and as soon as I balanced myself I started to have more propositions for acting jobs so it’s kinda I free the space and I took some energy for myself so now the

Universe is giving me the opportunities again uh to live my life I just suppressed all of it and decided to run away just run away to London where I would not know anyone where I would have the space just like recover and give myself time and give myself the support that I required for myself I mean I also tried I guess to like get

Closer to my dreams and I still believe that London can be a great place for career and for growing in what I want to do but nevertheless I feel like I just gave up my whole life that I knew from before my family and friends and kind of like starting everything from

A dropped where I’m no one and no one knows me and I’m just a new stranger that comes to the city mom periods haven’t said yet morning okay I’m so tired like I feel that sleeping tells so much same I feel like it’s gonna last all day I need an ice cold

Shower and I got four shots of espresso oh my God [ __ ] I didn’t know how to find an agency here it’s so complicated like people always like saying how great I am and like Scout just comes to me at the fighting just me like you’re so gorgeous come join our agency

You need you need several incomes in London to be able to afford it yeah like and it’s not even like three thousand pounds like you need to get like four or five to feel more or less comfortable I did three thousand pounds a month is okay but it’s let’s say but it’s the

Minimum but you’re fine with three thousand if you want to go out and live a nice life you need four or five thousand sure I I had a call with my grandma yesterday and she wanted to send me um a present for my birthday which was

Like 20 years her pension is like 50 euros per month and she was like please let me send it to you you need money I want you to eat well that was Grandma no there is no need to send me money it’s all fine I was like she was really like

I’m gonna send you money no you’re gonna take them and I said that she used to wait until I’m gonna come back home and just take this money in person from her and she started crying on the phone and honestly like I was checking for the

Last months how can I go back to Q just to see my family because I didn’t see my dad in a year and I didn’t see my grandma in a year as well and it really hurts because I really miss home and I really need home

Really sickly I don’t really think I I mean if I’m if I’m wrong I’m going to be really happy but I realistically I don’t think the world is gonna end soon I think it’s gonna take some time I will get a stick and I hope it is I like it rare and I will get it with green beans uh for me please take their tar but can I have a mashed potato instead of french fries and just I’m I’m questioning if I did

The right choice my mom is not stressed at all she’s actually having a blast she’s really happy to be back home I call her every day stressing out and like saying Mom are you sure maybe you want to go back to Berlin I can make sure it’s going to be like smooth and

Safe and you don’t need to stress out too much about it but she’s really stubborn she says no I’m really happy at home which honestly I think I would be with her really happy as well I think family really changes a lot you know this was

Not on the menu for my steak was it does it come with it is it possible to switch for a salad thank you very much Foreign videos who’s this that’s too short again Bye bye it’s so crazy I haven’t been home for like three years at this point and why first like the covet came and like I was scared I’m gonna be stuck there like Mel my Visa and then I just got my Visa and I was like finally I’m gonna go home after

Like really three years not seeing them and the war started I manifested music video for my first ever song and all my family was inside they all danced for me super cute with my family and yeah it’s so crazy in the last like two years two family members of mine from this music video died important thing for my family let me just be

Let me just be okay

Video “Life in 9:16 – Between modeling and war | DW Documentary” was uploaded on 05/07/2023 by DW Documentary Youtube channel.