Losing a pet deserves more attention and compassion

When my dog passed away four years ago, coping with the loss was challenging. I know I am not alone. People turn to their pets when they need comfort and a non-judgmental presence. However, pets have a short life span, and losing a companion animal is a common experience.

Research shows that losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a family member, yet the grief over a companion animal is often overlooked in society. As a result, losing a pet can be an isolating experience.

Perceptions of judgment may exacerbate the pain of loss, affect mental health and lead to social isolation. Some may think: “It’s just an animal.” However, words like these dismiss the pain and make an already difficult experience even lonelier.

As a researcher who has studied the human-animal bond for more than a decade, and as someone who has shared her life with pets, I understand that while having a pet is deeply fulfilling, the grieving process can be profoundly difficult.

Having support makes a huge difference in these moments. Rituals, comforting words, the space to talk about what happened, and primarily, validation — these things help us process loss. But the reality is that when someone loses a pet, finding that support is harder.

Offering non-judgmental support and developing inclusive strategies, such as pet bereavement leave, can be valuable initiatives to help. Raising awareness of ways to provide effective and compassionate support to those grieving a pet can help us challenge the idea that the loss of a companion animal is less significant than losing a beloved human.

Navigating pet loss

Several studies show that living with a pet can have a positive impact on people’s physical, psychological and social health. These bonds run deep, and 95 per cent of Canadians consider their companion animals family.

The journey through pet loss is unique for each individual, but it usually involves complex feelings like relief and guilt, besides physical and intellectual symptoms like aches, headache and rumination.

One of the most important barriers to finding support is the lack of social recognition and validation regarding pet grief. People often feel judged when they express their feelings of grief over a pet. These perceptions of judgment exacerbate the pain and increase social isolation. This, in turn, can increase the risk of mental health issues, particularly among those with a history of childhood trauma.

Factors shaping pet grief

Several factors can shape how people grieve, including the way people lose their pets. Even when a pet dies by natural causes or old age, people may experience intense feelings of loss. Situations involving euthanasia can lead to uncertainty regarding the best moment to do it and self-blame. When a pet dies, people may feel guilty and left with a feeling that they failed to care for the pet.

Attachment styles also play a role. This refers to the type of bond between people and their pets and the feelings involved in this relationship. For instance, perceiving pets as good friends leads to less intense grief than seeing them as children. If the person lived alone and the pet was their only company, it may be more challenging, too.

At the same time, having social support provides a sense of belonging. Those who have room to voice their feelings and share their pain tend to navigate the stages of grief better. A more compassionate and pet-inclusive approach can be valuable in the pet grief journey. This type of support can help to prevent depression, stress and social isolation.

Support in workplaces

Regardless of differences in pet attachment and how a person lost their pet, initiatives to increase social support during these difficult experiences can have a significant impact on people’s ability to cope.

Take workplaces, for instance. People are often expected to show up and function as if nothing happened, carrying their grief in silence. However, some companies have adjusted their policies to a more pet-inclusive approach, and the result is promising.

Companies that offer more pet-inclusive policies, including pet bereavement leave, can help reduce employee stress while also increasing job satisfaction, building a sense of connectedness and leading to higher retention rates.

Considering that among younger people, there is a preference for pets over kids, this type of policy can not only offers a concrete demonstration of empathy but could also attract some employees and increase productivity. By providing the necessary time to heal, the company can have more loyal and productive employees.

As pets increasingly become integral to our emotional lives, acknowledging the relevance of this relationship is fundamental. This includes providing support for people facing the difficult experience of losing a pet after a life of sharing daily moments with them.

Each person’s grief is personal and should be respected, without comparison or judgment. We cannot take away each other’s grief but we can stand beside one another in it. That, in itself, makes all the difference.

Validation and emotional support from family and friends and pet-inclusive policies such as pet bereavement leave can also make a real difference. They send a powerful message: We care about your pain. You are not alone.