Single in Indonesia: Stigma and emancipation | DW Documentary
Whether single, looking for a partner or divorced – what happens when young Indonesians decide to look for love their way?
In Indonesia, marriage is still the social norm. Those who don’t conform, stand out and must often field many uncomfortable questions. Treading the fine line between familial pressure, religious duty and growing self-confidence, Indonesian singles are now seeking love in new ways. Whether divorced, separated or simply without a partner: what does it feel like to push back against society’s expectations? And in this largely traditional country, how is it possible not just to find love, but also self-fulfilment?
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Video “Single in Indonesia: Stigma and emancipation | DW Documentary” was uploaded on 06/02/2025 by DW Documentary Youtube channel.
Marriage, having kids and looking devoted to a religion are almost compulsory in backward deeply-religious societies, because of the verses in their holy books, despite no present proofs of all miracles described in those ancient writings. All claims were written by a few ancient Middle-Easterners from an era. None of the miracles can be shown today, unlike many things in science
I am single because many Indonesian women are afraid to make a prenuptial agreement. All I ask for is one property for each party before marriage, not joint property.
Joint assets after marriage, if divorced, I only ask for 15% and on average women don't want that.
Marrying! Not now! I am 42 and still single by choice, and cost (mental).
I don't see why I should keep a cow at home when milk is sold in shops. You can cut costs by buying milk directly from shops, whenever you want to drink some. It saves a lot of money and other hidden costs. 🥛🥛🥛
Indonesia here i come.
I'm 31 now. And yeah, obviously I’ve been getting pressure from all sides to find a partner or get married. But honestly, apart from wanting to focus on my career, I’m just not into the kind of standards a lot of women have these days, too many demands, you know? I still enjoy making myself happy, travelling wherever I feel like, buying stuff without worrying someone’s gonna have a go at me. Being single feels good. Oh, and my parents used to keep pushing me to get married too. But ever since I told them, “I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to end up like you and Dad. I’d rather be on my own and happy than stuck in a house together and fighting all the time,” they haven’t brought it up again.
Well this problem is also in Pakistan. I am 38 and still single.
been there, done that😃
I worked one year in Indonesia and I've never seen so much cheating in my entire life. Yes, people marry young because they feel pressured, and then many cheat. It's a muslim majority country but that doesn't stop them.
Wow
Indonesia's society is often too nosy. They just want everyone to conform so that they can feel good that there are other people that will share their sufferings and beliefs. Marriage is a personal choice and everyone must have their own freedom to choose whatever they want for their own lives
Pressure from family and relatives. They will badmouth you for not being desirable and compare to their siblings, friends, and cousins who get married early (age range between 21 to 30). Married people face another problem, which is financial related, abusive partners and in law, and disloyalty.
well, my uncle now is 50 years old and single in his whole life. not really have a relationship but talk to anyone and sometime hang out with me and enjoy a coffee.
just a bit correction, we're not muslim nation but Majority. it's different btw 😊
I’m 45 man from another Muslim majority country, Iraq, and still single. I have my own house and higher degree and am an author. In my youth, I dated and coupled up with many woman. I was living in the US before moved back home. Even here it has become a hard business. The older the harder. I see only unattractive or unstable are left and neither is for me. But people keep poking me and I see no other single man at my age.
Frankly I have started thinking, “no problem, let me spent the remaining my life in singlehood, whatever; life is short, just try to enjoy.” There is more to life than marriage. One thing I should do before my end: to write my will to have my properties go to religious and charity organisations.
Looks is very important 😂😂😂😂
Is this a repost?
Woow these people look wayyyyy older than their age😮😮😮
It's really sad to read all these comments; most of them are negative and focus on how difficult life and marriage are
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Good for nothing docu
There's also stigma that Indonesian spinsters (unmarried woman over 35 y.o) are bitter, vindictive, and that couldn't be any more wrong. All single women I know within that age are soft spoken, fun to talk to since their knowledge is vast, are some of the most kindest people.
It's definitely a different perspective in other countries that I respect.
I am a happily single female in my 50s. My parents were immigrants to the US. I have never been interested in marriage and having a family even after my 4 serious relationships. Luckily my parents never pushed it. They would ask, but never forced it…probably because we lived in the US.
That said …only for ME, I wouldn't have it any other way. My "freedom" both in existence and financially are the most important to me, as is my own peace, which I have. While I have experienced very small bouts of being lonely in the past mostly during my 30s and a few years into my 40s, they were very FEW and far between.
Good luck and blessings to those still headed toward marriage/family if that is what is important to you. 🙏🏽✨
For 26, he looks way older
Eeeee, I never knew this can turn into a full blown documentary. 😐
Ternyata yg masih jomblo banyak😂
Monggo jomblowan podo ngumpul kene😂
Ngl, I want to play cupid with all singles in this comment section. But how?
rata2 wanita indonesia itu matrealistic untuk memilih pasangan hidup,,sedangkan yang lelaki memilih yang cantik untuk di jadikan pasangan,
jika seorang lelaki yang kaya tapi menemukan pasangan kurang cantik,maka tidak lama pasti putus,
jika orang yang cantik memenukan pasangan yang sederhana kurang kaya,maka tidak lama pasti juga akan cerai,
kalau menurutku sih,,mencari pasangan hidup itu tujuanya adalah satu,yaitu ingin membina rumah tangga yang bahagia dan menyalurkan hasrat kasih sayang,
tapi jika dalam rumah tangga tersebut penuh masalah dan tidak bahagia,lalu apa gunanya menikah jika hanya menambah penderitaan dalam hidup,,maka lebih baik cerai
saya pikir dalam hal pernikahan,saat ini prinsip orang indonesia hampir sama dengan prinsip orang jepang,,jika sebuah pernikahan hanya menambah penderitaan maka lebih baik tidak menikak,
The average is not considering the educated and well-educated.
If you focus on the educated and well-educated you will be surprised that the average marriage age.
In this kind of economy, who can afford marriage?
In Indonesia, marriage is costly especially in city. At least IDR 100M (SGD 8000) for what considered as peoper marriage ceremony in a city.
In the rural, you need at least IDR 40M.
In city, some women understand the situation and split the burden of marriage 50:50 but in the rural area usually it is all fall in man's side of family.
As context, a proper meal with drink cost you at least 25k a meal while in the rural area, the same proper food cost you around 12k a meal.
So, in a way, it costs you around 4000 meals in the city while it costs around 3300 meals in the city.
If you considered that the cheapst proper meal with drinj in Singapore is around $7, it will cost equivalent to SGD 28K in Singapore based on this metric PPP
Jd jomblo gak enak , gak bisa nge we
kids should be conditioned to marriage at 10yo onwards, no point to push kids for marriage after 20yrs, way way too late.
Its same in every Urban societies irrespective of any Social-Geography boundaries ……
One of the main drivers is Capitalism—>internet—-> smart phone —–> youtube.
Where is the balance…. no one knows ….changing dynamics of the new world.
i'm super lazy but im kinda loaded so people keep talking me into getting married, but frankly speaking i'm an AroAce, so a marriage is just a concept of unnecessary burden.
i'd be super miserable if i got married, i live in bali just having fun from day to day not caring anything else but my own. never been happier in my life.