The loneliness epidemic is a growing concern in the United States, with recent announcements from the US surgeon general highlighting the issue. In a video discussing this epidemic, various factors contributing to loneliness in American society are explored, including changes in work patterns, urban planning, and the impact of technology on interpersonal connections.
As the video delves into the topic, it highlights the shift in how Americans spend their time as they age, with an increasing amount of time spent alone. Remote work and job-hopping are discussed as contributing factors to increased isolation, along with a lack of community ties beyond school years and reduced community involvement in religion. Urban planning and the lack of convenient third places for social interaction are also identified as factors contributing to the loneliness epidemic.
Additionally, the impact of technology, particularly the availability of unlimited entertainment from the comfort of one’s home, is addressed as a contributor to loneliness. Changes in romantic relationships and the self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness are also explored in the video, discussing how these areas have evolved and the potential effects on individual well-being.
The video ends by offering actionable steps for individuals feeling lonely, urging viewers to take steps to improve their connections and seek out community support. Overall, the video provides a comprehensive examination of the causes and impacts of the loneliness epidemic in the United States, shedding light on an important societal issue.
Watch the video by Shelby Church
We are more connected than ever and Americans are lonelier than ever US Surgeon General just announced that there is a loneliness epidemic happening in America and if you live here yourself that might not Shock you in America I think it’s rare to live your whole life and never experience loneliness and
Today we’re going to talk about the loneliness epidemic what I think is really going on and also at the end what you can do about it yourself cuz I don’t like to just talk about things just to talk like we need some actionable items you know if you guys haven’t seen my
Channel I’m Shelby church and this is going to be a new series that are more chatty podcast style I might put them on a separate Channel if you guys want that I initially put the first one if you want to go watch it on my Vlog Channel
And it got such a good response and people thought I should put it on my main Channel I thought okay I will I will for this one I have a lot of different topics I want to talk about so feel free to subscribe if you want to
See some of these kind of commentary on our society and just different things going on maybe grab a beverage or you can listen to this as a podcast and go on a walk I have some tea and let’s get into the loneliness epidemic okay I’ve broken it down into a few categories
Actually and this graph here that shows how we spend our time as we age is very telling as you can see when you are 1 to 21 you spend so much time with other people with your family friends not co-workers yet but you know schoolmates friends you’re kind of constantly with
Other people and then as you get older you increasingly spend time alone a new study from fortune.com found that 34% of Americans expect to spend more time by themselves and 37% interact with not even one person per week let that sink in that’s crazy I didn’t know it was
Like that but it actually makes a lot of sense when you think about work from home and all of that now it just wouldn’t be possible before covid before remote work you had to go interact with people your job really forced you to but now it’s possible to not interact with
Anyone at all in a week so I found a Tik Tok that really paints this picture just take a look live alone or you work from home or you only have a few close friends in the city you live or maybe you’re all three of those things the
Triple whammy like me then you probably know what true loneliness feels like the life I was living in Tampa was not healthy I’d wake up every morning alone work from home in my apartment alone and then do my night alone and since I only have like two or
Three close friends in Tampa I would see them like once or twice a week but we’re all adults it’s hard to make time I mean that is the reality for a lot of people now and it’s kind of invisible to people that don’t know that you know the older
Generation they can’t really see that they can’t even comprehend it like people who got married when they were 20 years old like my mom she’s probably never even experienced what it’s like to be that alone um but that is what it’s like for a lot of people that work from
Home and work remote and I’m not demonizing remote work we’re we’ll talk about it more later cuz I think it’s actually a good thing but that is the reality and I myself have days like that because I live alone and I work for myself yeah there are times where like
You know a couple days in a row I might not really see anyone except like the Trader Joe’s cashier usually I I proactively make a lot more plans and a lot of days I’m out and about shooting but there are some days where like I come back from a trip and I didn’t
Really plan anything and so I’ll spend a few days just like getting my [ __ ] together alone like totally alone and if you watch my Vlog Channel you know I am in a relationship but it’s long distance and he was here in La for a few months
And so it was like basically like living together but then this month it’s been like you know living alone and so even though I am in a relationship I know what that lifestyle is like for someone who is you know living alone working alone kind of thing I myself at this
Point in my life don’t really feel lonely like I feel like I have a lot of friends and family nearby and like some Community right but I have before more when I was like 22 still kind of newer to LA and let me tell you one of the
Worst feelings the worst feelings in the world like I remember like being very upset about it this is all to say that the lifestyle a lot of people are living right now is just by default a lot of alone time and you have to go out of
Your way to make plans with people even one of my YouTube Friends Daniel Carolyn if you guys have seen her content like she has a ton of friends one of the most social people probably that I know and even she posted this Tik Tok one day I
Was kind of shocked to see it cuz I was like wow really her she felt kind of lonely one Friday night because she felt like she was always the planner and then this one time that she didn’t plan something no one really hit her up Friday night I’m like so happy to be
Home I went to dinner and a show but I’m like it’s a long weekend I have nothing I’m doing this weekend and I’m kind of typically the planner with like my friends just but sometimes it’s nice when like people reach out to you and I was kind of thinking damn like no one
Has texted me like to do anything and this has happened like a couple weekends and and you kind of think to yourself oh well no like they see that I’m I’m busy or maybe they thought oh she’s with her aunt tonight like whatever but then you start gaslighting yourself and saying
Well no they didn’t even like think about that that’s probably the case it’s Friday night I’m just feeling funky I had to just put it out on there because why not share this and hopefully make one other person feel a little bit less alone but I was like dang this really
Affects everyone even the people that you think have a ton of friends and are just you know always out doing things they feel lonely sometimes too everyone is susceptible to it I think everyone is like you know a breakup or a few friend breakups or losing your job away from
Being a lot lonelier than than you want to be if you look at the comments on Tik toks like this YouTube videos or even like I looked at Reddit and it is appalling so these are some of the comments I’m 22 and don’t have a single
Person I can hang out with I love being by myself but sometimes I cry myself to sleep but I feel so alone and lonely like that makes me so sad and it has 1,400 likes like it’s relatable a lot of people are feeling this way and then
This one person said I walk around Target by myself for hours just to be around people which I don’t want to be mean but I thought that was kind of funny because I kind of feel that like Target is such a good vibe in there like
If I was feeling lonely I would totally go to Target but it is sad and look at some of these Tik toks thousands of comments like this it’s people you wouldn’t expect to feel lonely like seriously and this is just just scratching the surface there are things
That you can do about it but I also think cut yourself some slack because we live in a world that the infrastructure is isolating it’s more prevalent in America than other places I know it it kind of is happening all over the world but um this one woman made a Tik Tok
About how when she came to the US from Uganda she was like shocked at how the culture was something that jumped out right off the butt was how individualistic Americans live and with that comes loneliness people in America are so focused on making money they miss
Out on the people and the life around them I could not comprehend how long people stayed in neighborhoods 20 years 30 years and still don’t know their neighbors not just knowing their names but knowing who your neighbor really is outside of capitalism I have found America to be a very very miserable
Country there have been count countless days when I have thought simply walking the streets of my home country and just seeing people who understand me has satisfied me more than the money sitting in my account what she says about her community knowing her makes her happier
Than having a lot of money right and it’s so true it’s so fulfilling to have a community and friendships with people that really feel like they know you and it does seem like the more and more people are alone the more focused they are on buying things I’ve noticed and
Needing a bigger house and all this stuff but I also saw a Tik Tok about how um in Germany in high school they learn about us propaganda and just this one sound bite I was like shook the US has become a wasteful consumer Society of lonely individuals it’s kind of true a
Lot of people are lonely and a lot of people are just like filling up that void with buying [ __ ] from Sheen so when I talk about loneliness I’m not just talking like people being single it’s more than that it’s more of there’s like a lack of community in general past
Schooling really and some of it actually is because the workplace has really changed since Co the workplace historically has been kind of this like social infrastructure where you meet a lot of people you’re forced to socialize right like you need to make money so you go to work but consequently people do a
Lot of times they meet their significant other work that’s like really common and people make friends at work I know this is kind of generalizing I know a lot of people hate their co-workers and want nothing to do with people at work and they have their friends from growing up
Or from college and they don’t want to be friend their co-workers at all I know that is a reality too but there are a lot of people who they graduate college they move to a new city and work is a big part of how they meet people and
Obviously remote work is the new thing um it’s not really that new it’s since Co but in the grand scheme of things it is newer and so this like social infrastructure I’m calling it has kind of gone away for a lot of people I know
A lot more people are still going in a few days a week and all of that and so that leaves some people who would have made friends at work with less less of a way to make friends I think of like my mom and she met two of her really good
Friends at work they all worked for the same place for like five plus years and they’re still friends to this day some of like her best friends I would say she made at work a lot of people make friends at work like it’s very common part of the reason people make such good
Friends or maybe their significant other at work is because you were actually repeatedly seeing those people a lot and you have a lot more in common and you also are bonding over these shared experiences there was actually a study that came out about how if you go through difficult things together it
Makes for stronger bonds if you go through hard times together I mean I remember hearing about the study when I was in a high school about how cross country Runners become like very very close friends and my sister Vanessa was a cross country Runner and like her and
Her cross country Runner friends were so tight whenever I did sports like I did become better friends with those people because like it was hard and sometimes you know we’re like complaining about it a little bit together and like it just there say something about it I actually
Found it says research at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology shows going through crisis causes us to release greater amounts of oxytocin which seems kind of backwards honestly but I guess if they found that I don’t think it even needs to be a crisis but just going through difficult things
Which is going to happen at work it’s more stressful than if you’re just going to Coffee to catch up and there also you know there are people believe it or not who work on things they really care about and have like a shared Mission and
Feel a lot of purpose in their work if you are lucky enough to have work that you love and you work with other people who love what they do that’s like rare I think but that also is going to be a deeper Bond of course because you
Actually have this thing in common that you’re like working towards versus just randomly meeting someone at the grocery store like what do you have in common with them you know so work is a good opportunity to make you know closer friends with people but when you’re working remote or from home you don’t
Really get the opportunity as much like on Zoom it’s just different and if you’re just seeing people you know maybe you have like a company offsite once every few months you’re not really like forced to interact with them as much have that water cooler chat any of that
And so obviously you’re less likely to become friends with those people at all and listen I know people love remote work I’m not saying that we should get rid of it I actually think it’s really great in a lot of ways because you have more time for yourself and for your
Hobbies and you’re not having to commute you’re saving a lot of money that way but I think what we’re noticing is because going to the office took so much energy out of people usually people would come home I don’t think you know you run some errands but you’re not
Making a lot of social plans or like doing a lot during the week maybe like a happy hour or something but going into an office just takes so much more of your energy like if I have a shoot day I’m not going into an office but I know
I’m like tired after that I just want to chill but now with remote work people are kind of cooped up at home and a lot of people know that social plans have become expensive if you’re trying to get dinner with a friend every night of the week you’re going to spend over $1,000
On food that month Business Insider reported that jenz is spending more money on gym membership Social Clubs to try and meet more people and I think part of this is because they’re not meeting as many people at work probably but there’s nothing to replace it because it’s a newer thing there isn’t
Like some support group for people that work from home to go hang out you know it’s just there’s nothing for that yet I think cuz it is still newer in the grand scheme of things although there’s things popping up like that but obviously work from home and remote work does
Contribute to the loneliness because you’re just like not interacting with as many people you’re spending more time alone at a younger age and there’s less possibility to make friends with those people they found that before covid-19 found that full-time remote work increased loneliness by 67% the roughly
3.39 billion people working from home I don’t think everyone that works from home is lonely I just think it’s very obvious that remote work would contribute to loneliness but another one you might not have thought about is job hopping job hopping is way more common now than our parents’ generation like my
Dad worked at the same school as a teacher for 20 years like as long as I can remember he probably worked at two or three different schools in his whole life and that’s true for a lot of our parents they worked at the same company for for 30 years or whatever you’re
Going to get to know your co-workers a lot more For Better or For Worse maybe that’s a good thing maybe it’s not but say if you’re job hopping every 2 years and that is the more common thing now you might start at a job and meet one of
Your co-workers who’s pretty cool and then they leave to go to a new job within like four months and then you leave within the next year like it’s less time that you are around those people it’s just more transient even within a job which I think is really
Interesting I think on the one hand you know for months of seeing someone almost every day is enough that you’re going to see like if you want to hang out after work or something like that or like but still once that person leaves to a different job it might be harder to hang
Out because they might work in a different part of town or move or whatever so people are more transient not just in where they live but also like within their jobs so I think that is something that wasn’t really the case before and then the third thing is where
I kind of come in and that is more and more people just want to work for themselves and want to be freelance and I get why it’s great to have control over your schedule and you know Freedom as part of that it can be more isolating
As a YouTuber it’s like today I’m mostly filming this editing tomorrow I’m going to go shoot and get coffee with another Creator but some days it’s like very just on your own a lot of creators can’t afford to hire help all the time like you don’t have that feeling like you’re
A part of a shared Vision with other people a lot of the time and when I do go shoot like me working for myself and how I think a lot of Freelancers work if you go have a client you go shoot you work with them for a little bit and then
You move on so I feel like I meet a lot of cool people but it’s for like a day and then I’m on to the next video and it all moves very quickly there’s not a lot of time to develop that into like a community or deeper relationships
Although I have made friends with some people that I’ve made videos with which is cool but I think for a lot of Freelancers generally it’s not as Community oriented as some jobs might be so work being different obviously that’s a huge one especially because now I just feel like there’s nothing that’s filling
That social void for people who are working for themselves or working from home but we’re kind of starting to see more of that I’ll talk about later so it really is more on you and if you live where you grew up and you have a good Community or where you went to college
And all your college friends are still near you then probably not an issue but a lot of people don’t have that a lot of people their college friends move away to different places that really common or they move away to somewhere different I moved from Seattle to LA so I had to
Like make a whole new friend group here and I do think it is harder because I was working for myself and didn’t go to college here then it would be had that been the case I just think that the answer isn’t going back into the office it’s finding more of that social
Infrastructure if we can outside the office because I don’t know I don’t think people should rely on work or have to rely on work because it is a better way of life to work for yourself I think or work work remotely if that’s what you
Want to do you know the changes in work is obviously a big reason people are more lonely now but let’s be real this epidemic was already happening before Co there’s an overall lack of community past schooling so I think this is kind of interesting and I don’t really hear a
Lot of people talking about this but when you grow up you are put into this community of school or your family your neighborhood it it really peaks in college for people like you’re in a walkable area with a lot of free time to spend with friends and everyone around you is your
Age uh there’s clubs you can join there’s all this stuff all these activities and there’s a real emphasis on socializing like that’s kind of a big reason you’re even in college to socialize I think um I know the degree but like I think most people get more
Out of the social aspect of college right and they make like lifelong friends which is really cool when you grow up it it just all kind of comes to you and you don’t even realize that actually in the real world there’s no sense of community in most places in
America you’re out of the system as this Tik Tok explains we’re just coming out of the system that is school and this system of community that was created for us into this world where basically Community is lacking you most likely went to school from 5 6 7 all the way
Until you were maybe 2021 then you graduate college or you’re no longer in school and you’re sent out into the world and it’s insane your people are now everywhere that you knew before you’re no longer part of the same communities that you were before and overall it feels even more isolating
Because you’re trying to navigate life outside of this system for the first time and on top of that every physical community that you probably found yourself in is now gone so I think that’s really interesting it’s like I honestly didn’t even realize until I was
Like 22 and more on my own yeah there’s really no you’re just kind of floating out here that’s how I felt another thing that’s interesting is less people go to church now now listen I’m not saying go to church to make friends I have no plans of doing that I’m not religious
Personally and I don’t want to offend anyone that is but I just personally am not and if you are I think that’s great I think there’s a lot of benefit to that and I have friends who are they get a lot out of it and I truly think it’s
Great and also they have [ __ ] ton of friends like a couple of my friends who are Christian specifically they are a part of their Church community and they go to these Bible studies and these like girls groups and they make a ton of friends that way specifically my friend
Janine amapa she’s an influencer you guys might know her she has so many friends you guys I can’t even keep up I’m like where did you meet these people and like it’s always Church related and I have met her friends and they’re good solid people like they are not like
They’re they’re very cool but I’m not going to go to church I would just feel like a fraud there because I just don’t buy into it which I think is fine like we’re all allowed to believe what we want to but more and more people St statistically aren’t especially the
Younger generation like take a look at this um so this is attendance of religious Services by generational group you can see younger Millennials it’s a lot less common than the silent generation the Boomers Gen X even gen Z I think is now like the low the most
Least likely to be going to church that was a way that the older generation made friends actually I have an anecdote on this one my parents made so many friends when they went to church okay so when I was very young we went to this church in
Our neighborhood you could like walk to it even until I was five and then we stopped going so I barely remember this but boy do I remember all my parents friends over the years that they made from this church cuz they still see them to this day and you think about going to
A church like you say hello to those people it’s usually a very friendly Community oriented environment and it doesn’t really matter how much money you make and whatever there are some like crazy churches out there that are like materialistic and kind of whack like those mega churches I’m like what is is
Going on there but most of them it doesn’t really matter your status in society like people are accepting of these places of just their Community right my parents made so many friends from that church that they’ve stayed in touch with and to this day sometimes still go on trips with it was people
That lived in our neighborhood like and honestly they’re not even like really religious anymore um but they’re still friends with these people less people are going to church and yeah I don’t really think I don’t know it’s like I don’t think you should go if you just
Really don’t believe in it just to make friends because you’re just not even going to relate honestly this church that my parents went to was very different it was like you could question things and that was okay you weren’t like hardcore believer and again I am
Not judging like I really kind of wish I was like that because life seems better for those people in a lot of ways like they just are more Blissful I don’t think you can force yourself to believe something you kind of have to be called
To and the point is less people go to church and so of course people are going to feel loner because that was a big part of community back in like the Boomer times right that’s a big one and there’s no there’s not like some replacement for people who don’t really
Subscribe to those beliefs but still want community that I know of at least so it’s interesting right another societal thing I’ve noticed is people move around more part of this is remote work so you can move around more people have the freedom for the first time to
Really actually move if they want to I think some people just move for the hell of it they just want to Fresh Start they just want to try something new I personally just always wanted to live somewhere Sunny although it’s very rainy today so that’s kind of ironic if you
Live in a major city you’ll probably relate to this but it feels very transient I mean it feels like you never know when your friends might move I’ve gone through a phase of some friends leaving La and a lot of people who live in New York experience this I see them
Talk about it and it definitely sucks it’s like you make this good friend group and then if people want to buy a place or settle down you can’t really afford to do that in New York or a a lot of the time unless you like bought or
You sold a startup or something or you have a trust fund or you’re a YouTuber like I could barely buy a condo maybe but uh that’s uncommon right and so a lot of people eventually move to the suburbs to completely different places back to where they’re from that is what
I mean two of my friends after Co moved back to where they were from when you live in these cities that are more expensive which is quickly becoming everywhere it feels like you never know when your friend might leave I just I don’t even like that feeling that people
Might leave I always kind of feel like oh I want to I’m open to meeting more people because I just know eventually some of the people I’m spending a lot of time with now probably won’t live here in like 5 or 10 years and I don’t know
If I will even live here in 5 or 10 years but I actually want to like I really do like California but that is unfortunately part of it is people get to a point where it’s just too expensive and so they move and you might have had
A great friend group in New York or whatever but slowly you might find that like all of them are gone this happens to people people move for all kinds of reasons but we’re seeing more and more it become a financial reason because the rents are just getting crazy everything’s getting crazy right but
Like more people are moving for that one I don’t think they really did back in the day as much and then huge reason that I am so passionate about learning about is the urban planning the car Centric America that we live in and the lack of third places I mean so many
Cities are just built for cars they’re not built for people in America compared to European cities I live in the worst one probably I grew up in a suburb and so I just thought that was normal all my life I wasn’t aware of it until I slowly
I I actually and this is embarrassing to admit but I’ll admit it but I grew up cuz I grew up sheltered in a suburb thinking that public transportation was gross when now I’m like the biggest hype girl for public transportation I love it
And I wish we had more of it uh I really don’t like driving and for many many reasons resent the car culture of America you’re probably like why do you choose to live in LA then but I do live in a pretty walkable neighborhood so I
Don’t even have to drive that much and the urban planning for cars is just it’s a huge part of why people feel lonely it’s such a hassle to go and hang out with people in so many places not just LA but even in the suburbs you know realistically people still live like 20
Minutes away in these more Suburban areas sometimes 30 minutes and especially as things get more and more expensive people Branch out even further yeah it’s like I’ve seen online that the lifestyle in some places in Europe and correct me if you live here and this is
Not the vibe but it seems like in say Barcelona you can walk back from work or take public transit and stop in this little square and you bump into your friend because you all can kind of walk everywhere the American mind cannot comprehend what’s going on around me
This isn’t a party it’s not even a planned event it’s just what happens every afternoon here in Barcelona Spain after school and work people come out to squares like this to hang out get work done while their kids play with friends socialize interact with acquaintances or true friends and neighbors and there’s a
Huge social and economic benefit to that now the square I was that is right here behind me but just a block away through that passageway is another Square there are these public squares where people hang out and you can sit in a cafe and get an espresso for like €3 or a glass
Of wine there is like so cheap there are these third places these public squares that a lot of people actually frequent because it’s convenient for them it’s just on their way home whereas here in LA to go to a park I really have to go
Out of the way the parking is an issue my friends are not just going on The Daily the way that some places that are more walkable you’ll just kind of run into people there they’re just you know playing soccer in the park or whatever I don’t know having to drive everywhere
You lose that Community feel of just bumping into people you know which is nice you know like if it’s a friend like I would hope that you you’d be happy to bump into them I could totally see how there are people maybe you don’t want to
Bump into and it can feel like too small of a world but for the most part that is very nice um and we don’t really have that in anywhere except like New York and that’s why so many people are obsessed with New York and why I’ve
Talked to people in New York they say specifically Brett KY has told me it feels like a giant college campus and that’s why there’s that sense of community there like people really love it the way people feel so strongly about New York is because you’re actually like
Out there in it not just observing it from a car and just even when you are walking in LA in a lot of places it’s just very it almost feels dangerous because people are driving so fast and there’s not much of a sidewalk there are neighborhoods that are walkable Santa
Monica West Hollywood I would say parts of Culver City I would not do downtown anymore Venice Beach actually has like a community walkable feel and people I talk to like love living over there probably for that reason when there is this lack of third places and walkability feels more isolated and it
Makes it harder to even see your friends like it’s just more of a hassle in La there’s the flaky culture is really because it’s just a hassle it’s like really difficult sometimes to meet up with people so people kind of don’t even want to they’d rather stay in and relax
You know and there are less third places which if you’re not familiar with a third place it’s this idea that it’s not where you live it’s not where you work it’s this third place where you hang out and relax and the community uses it and
And you know there is not as much of that in America but I think there is some people just don’t end up using it that much because it’s not as convenient like we do have libraries and Parks but again like not that many people go to
Them in La you’d have to drive there and it’s out of the way and it’s not like this place that your friends are going I myself I do have some third places it would be the hot tub in my apartment building I go to it like every night
And I actually meet people in my building sometimes it’s funny uh coffee shops I go and work out of and I go to a lot of different tennis clubs and Tennis Courts so I guess that would be a third place but it’s almost like a workout
Class I don’t know if you’d really count that cuz I like pay for it overall our world was built for cars and not for people and that is a big reason that it’s easy to feel isolated but there actually is a place in Tempe Arizona where they’re building a car-free
Community called culdesac I actually really want go there and make a video about it but it’s very cool it’s like there’s a Metro that goes right up to it and you can walk they have ebikes when you completely take away the cars it feels like you actually live in a
Community hm imagine that I actually love an ebike I think they’re really fun but I’m too scared to ride it in LA like I feel like a car is going to hit me it’s just dangerous when there’s a lot of other cars around and again this is more uniquely an American problem almost
Every European city has really good public transit my friend Adrian and I went to London one summer for a month and we spent a lot of time hanging out with this group of British guys and I was just amazed by how every day after work they would all take the train home
They would all hang out at this Pub for like a couple hours and then they would all walk home and they would hang out every day that is kind of unheard of in America to hang out with your friends every day like a group of like six or
More of them unless your roommates it’s just logistically not possible if you’re trying to also tend to your life and errands and everything and I thought it was so cool like they had such a fun lifestyle in that way I also saw when I went to Vietnam a year ago on a brand
Trip we were walking through the city at night it was like 9:00 or 10: p.m. on a week night and it was so Lively people walking around having a great time Dancing in the Street like there were these like public I don’t know if there were dance classes or meetups but it was
Just so much more alive than like any US city it was like summertime in New York kind of feeling like thought that was like really amazing cuz you do not see that in America I was like wow what is going on that is a big part of it it’s
Just like the physical structure of life in America is more it’s more easy to become isolated just with the cars and everything but we do have to touch on technology because obviously technology is just becoming more pervasive in our lives going on Tik Tok seeing everything
Everyone is up to it does contribute to a feeling of loneliness I think social media Can it can be a tool to connect with people or it can be a tool to make yourself feel bad about it of course we all know that we’re always seeing a
Highlight real but we forget you just forget because most people aren’t showing the more difficult times in the in their lives or times that they’re feeling lonely because there’s a stigma around it I respect when people do share that I’m like wow that’s like thank you for being real it always looks like
People are having a better time than they are i i people are up to cool stuff and yes they want to share it but sometimes people are posting stuff just to make make it look like they’re doing something cool when they might have had a terrible time there actually and you
Have no idea it’s all kind of fake another thing is it’s just so easy to be entertained now that I think people have an easier time saying no to plans because they know like oh I can just watch Tik toks all night I hope this isn’t happening a lot and just if you’re
Really tired and need a night in but you know this is the first time ever that we have the option to just not be bored I feel like 5 years ago if I didn’t have plans I would be a lot more bored like going on YouTube didn’t really satisfy
My boredom but now I truly could just not ever be bored like the amount of content there is online that I actually find interesting and finds me like the algorithms are so good you can just never be bored it is kind of crazy I think that might be part of the reason
Sometimes people are more comfortable staying in cuz I see all these people talk about how after covid they just don’t have the energy that they used to before to socialize I think part of it is just like we’re comfy on the couch with our Netflix or Tik Tok or pick your
Poison but that stuff is like fast food for your soul you still need deep connections with people um I think you still can use things like Instagram as a tool to connect with people too you just have to make sure that you are sharing and connecting more than you’re lurking
If you’re just going on Instagram and just watching and not really contributing or commenting I feel like you’re going to have a lot more fomo than if you’re sharing what you’re doing if you’re replying to people like it’s a good way to kind of keep in touch with
Loose ties myself being super into tennis now I had no idea that this friend of a friend was super into it too and so we’ve played and had Instagram not been a thing I would have had no idea and I feel like there’s been a lot of situations like that where I realized
Like I had more in common with people and acted on that because of social media so I don’t think it’s all bad but I do think if you are fully believing everything people are posting and you’re just using it for entertainment like you got to be very conscious on how you
Consume social media and really try and use it to connect with people not just Doom scrolling or scrolling at a boredom and that might make you feel fomo yeah romantic relationships this is where a lot of people think loneliness comes from I think it’s just being single or
Whatever but like I lived most of my 20s single and I didn’t feel lonely for a lot of it I am in a relationship now of course when you’re in a relationship it’s a lot easier to not feel lonely like way easier like if you live with someone you have that companionship it’s
Great like everybody wants that of course we are finding though people are settling down later and later than the older generation I mean my mom got married at age 20 I think it was and so she never had that era that I’ve had where I lived with roommates and lived
Alone and was like SM on my own she just quickly jumped into the having a family thing my dad on the other hand was 30 so he had more time of that but basically more and more of us have this time not totally alone but you know you have more
Time probably that you’re single more likely obviously there are still people who get married younger but the vast majority it’s going to be a lot later especially in a major city and so yeah you might feel a little more lonely because of that but I really do think
That emphasis in our culture on romantic relationships makes it worse like random outfit change I didn’t have time to finish filming then but what a lot of people assume is because people are getting married later and later they must be experiencing loneliness that those single people must be lonely right
And I actually have some different thoughts on this whole thing this could be a whole 45-minute video in itself but yes it is true more and more people are single for longer but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing I feel like eventually most people do end
Up married or coupled up in whatever way they see fit it can be great to have more time on your own like I cannot imagine if I got married at the time that my mom did like I just truly was was such a different person then I don’t
See how it would be beneficial for me personally but for a lot of people it does work they meet their person and that’s great I’m not judging I know it can work in a lot of situations but I think for most of us like it’s beneficial to have more time to figure
Out yourself first what I want to talk about is how the overemphasis on romantic love in our society kind of makes people lonlier I think both for people that are single and people that are in relationships because people that are single like I talked about before have this self-fulfilling prophecy now
That they’re kind of told by society that oh if you’re single you’re not going to be filled or happy until you’re married which yeah again if you believe that then that’s going to be true but if you’re really focused on work you’re passionate about and friendships and
Just all of that and you won’t even really think about it you know it’ll probably just you’ll meet someone one day and it won’t be this the stressful thing that it kind of ends up being for people I think the overemphasis on romantic love and the kind of isolation
In our world it makes people treat dating like a part-time job you got to go on like a bunch of hinge dates to meet someone most of those you’re not really going to click that’s fine but it’s a lot of time spent that’s a lot of time spent away from your friends from
You know people that you might be wanting to spend time with I had an era like that where I went on a bunch of hinge dates and honestly nothing good really ever came of it it was at the time where I was just having an era of
Saying yes to random things and meeting new people and putting myself in different situations that’s when I met my boyfriend and as a side effect I met a lot of other cool people as well and so my thesis is when you are in a more Community environment and meeting more
People it just happens naturally like it when people are in high school and college a lot of people end up in relationships naturally like and because we’re in a more isolated world it’s harder for people to do that and it becomes more of like this almost like
This thing you have to put effort into which I don’t I just think it doesn’t have to be that way in a lot of places another reason though I think it’s detrimental is because it sells people almost on a I don’t know if I want to
Call it a lie but an idea that finding a romantic partner is going to fulfill like everything and it’s it’s really not like take this guy for example this a Tik Tok he’s got kind of the American dream a house a wife and kids and it does seem like he genuinely loves them
It doesn’t seem like bad relationship but just listen to what he has to say own my own house I have about half an acre beautiful wife happily married four perfect amazing children when you actually arrive here and I I don’t think very many people will admit this but
This is not nearly enough there is a deep longing and loneliness still there is an overemphasis on romantic love in our culture and I believe that it is pushed by a capitalism to partition us down into the smallest money-making unit which is one man one wom and children separated in a
Tiny house and having the most of the value of their labor stripped away from them pretty interesting like someone who has all that stuff that a lot of people want is is telling us that news flash you need more relationships outside of just your immediate family the overemphasis on romantic relationships
It makes people think that just that’s like a cure for loneliness or the end all Beall when it’s not I think the people that are in relationships that kind of isolate themselves from everyone I don’t know if that’s super healthy I think it’s good to have more friends
Outside of that relationships are great but what I’m saying is they kind of just start to happen naturally when people are in places where they’re meeting people more and I feel like the relationships are probably healthier because you’re not spending all your time together or putting all this
Pressure on a relationship because you have friends outside of it and then it’s more fun when you come together because you have things to catch up on and also people break up unfortunately the stats are crazy divorce statistics are always kind of changing but it’s
Been in that 50% range for a long time that of course is really scary then if you have put so much pressure and emphasis and time and energy into mostly your romantic relationship you don’t have a lot outside of it half of those people are going to end up single again
I mean of course many are not and even if you never break up I still think it’s good to just you know have friends outside your relationship you shouldn’t just be doing that as a backup plan but I’m sure it is way harder to go through something like a divorce if you also
Don’t have a lot of close friendships anymore I don’t know I’ve never gone through it but I would imagine divorce in a place like America is much more isolating than those walkable European cities where there’s just like more social support it seems like I also think probably more people just stay in
Unhappy marriages because world’s kind of isolating outside of that hate to end it on that note I think overall like romantic relationships are a good thing most people obviously get a lot out of it it can be fulfilling but the point that I’m trying to make with it is I
Think sometimes people view a romantic relationship as a cure for loneliness I think it’s the opposite it’s when you don’t feel lonely and you have a full life that you end up meeting someone but the whole point of this video is it’s kind of harder for people to achieve
That right so that’s my take on the loneliness epidemic but honestly I could probably talk for like 3 hours about this I just find it so fascinating like the world really has changed a lot from our parents’ generation so CRA because it’s something that can affect everyone
And probably does at some point in their lives even if you have a lot of friends they can end up scattered or you just don’t see them that much and I think a lot of it is just not even really your fault the way that our world is more
Isolated now is because of this infrastructure and I didn’t even get into the capitalism part of it but like a lot of it is just a byproduct of the way that our world was created now but I want to end it with a little bit of
Things that you can do despite our world feeling more isolated if if you’re feeling lonely that can actually help one you got to be proactive about meeting up with people that you already know I feel like that’s an obvious one but you just have to cuz it’s not going
To come to you like it would in high school or college or anything like that you have to reach out to people and make plans and I don’t know I think this is obvious but just still has to be said another thing is is try and get involved and be consistent something within
Walking distance you or nearby you so joining a niche workout class or hobby or anything like that where you can meet some people personally I do tennis and it’s so fun I just love it even if it was like a solo activity I would still
Do it but I’ve noticed wow what a major plus that I go to these tennis classes it’s a niche thing where I feel like I see the same people at them every week I’ve only been going really for a couple months but you’re much more likely to
Make friends with people when you are doing stuff like that the more Niche the better when when it comes to this so don’t think LA Fitness or Equinox whenever I’ve been in a big gym like that I never even see the same people the same time that I go and I really
Don’t talk to them I’m just doing my solo workout I’m not there to meet people the more Niche the more likely there is to be like a community around it I do tennis classes there’s also time to chat you’re actually interacting because it’s a game it’s not like a solo
Workout volleyball I know people that do volleyball and they make a lot of friends through that I know a couple who started dating cuz they met through their intermural volleyball thing the more Niche I’m telling you the better also if you’re lonely I mean if you can
Get a dog do that first of all probably going to make you feel less lonely but second I dog sat my sister’s dog and I took the dog to the dog park and people chitchat at dog parks my other sister Vanessa dated a guy that she met at the
Dog park when you have a dog and you walk around too people just kind of talk to you more that’s something if you like dogs to maybe consider I don’t know there’s even like a social Club I would say third space you have to pay for in
La called Dog people with like a cafe and bar and I’m assuming people probably go and like talk a little more because dogs are kind of breaking the ice most people in bigger cities don’t talk to like strangers that much and elevators and such but if you have a dog people
Talk to you I’ve also noticed in La at least there’s all kinds of new clubs and groups that have popped up since Co for walking running even this ice bath one that looks super cool it’s like coffee and ice baths I think there’s more of this kind of thing popping up in
Different cities I’m going to wrap this video up here if you have other ideas for people and how they can connect in such comment them down below but this video is getting way too long let me know what your thoughts are on some of these ideas I just find it fascinating
Thank God luckily I don’t feel that lonely even though I do work from home and spend a lot more time alone probably I feel like I do spend more time alone than I would like but I don’t really feel that lonely because I have people
Here in this city but I felt it before I know what it’s like and I think that it just is more common than it needs to be hope that you guys enjoyed this video I know it was a long one and I will see you in my next video bye
Video “The Loneliness Epidemic” was uploaded on 01/27/2024. Watch all the latest Videos by Shelby Church on Gretopia